The day of November 30th, 2012.

I had such a crappy day. Like totally awful. Lets take a play by play.
So, I couldn't sleep last night because I decided to lay awake and play the 'what if' game, a game I know a little too well. So I got up at 5:40, and started getting ready. It was one of those days where make up doesnt want to go on your face because its like 'nahh, im good' and then every single thing you try on makes your thighs look fat, and your torso look short. yay. so then I go to Starbucks to get some coffee in my system, and then when I got to school I  remembered that we have to run the mile at 7:40 in the morning. Take some advice from me, never ever ever ever drink coffee before you have to run, just dont do it. So, I go upstairs before first period, and walk around you know the normal. I still had my coffee in my hand, because you know it was the only thing keeping me awake and happy. So then evil teacher decided to call me out for having coffee in the hallways when she, and 3 other teachers where guarding the hallways with no other than coffee in their hands. "Uhh, you're not allowed to have coffee in the hallways." "k." "no, get back here and throw it away." "I'll throw it away in athletics." "I'll give you a hallways infraction with that attitude." So, I turned around, went up to her, took a sip, then threw it away. So, now im coffeeless and I look short, and fat in my clothes. yay.

So, we run the mile, I did it, got a good time, placed on the board, whatever. Then I get to math and figured out that I failed my quiz. So now im coffeeless, look fat and short in my clothes, and as dumb as a brick when it comes to math. Then, science, got to write notes on 21 slides about the sun and its currents, and figured out that I got a 70% on my chemistry test. So, now im coffeeless, look fat and short in my clothes, as dumb as a brick when it comes to math, and cant balance a chemical equation.

I want to become a writer, that lives in New York, in a pent house. I shall drink my Peppermint moca every single freaking morning, and stay in my pajamas and not look into the mirror. I shall never have to find the sales tax on a freaking item, and let the register do that for me. I will never ever ever ever ever ever have to balance an equation, ever, all thanks to today.

Sometimes, feel like im trapped in a room with walls surrounding me. Its a long room, almost like a street. Im alone in this room, and the walls are glass. There are people looking in on me, watching me. Im crying, and screaming for help, and they just sit there watching me struggle. They can hear me, and they try to break through the glass, but I cant hear them. I'm just alone, in a long, narrow, silent, dark room.

I have that night mare often. Usually when im stressed. For about 4 years now, I have been trying to figure out what this dream meant, What this dream was really all about. Now, I have it.

The room, that is dark, alone, and narrow, represents our lives. We each have our story and our own struggles, that are one of a kind. Some people might have some stories that are similar to others, but nobody's are ever the exact same. The screaming and crying are really my screams and cries for help, and the reason I cant hear the people reaching out to help me is because, they dont know. They 'understand' what we are going through but they are not in the situation. Thats why we are never really healed from our pain, because only we can feel the pain and know what its like.

But ... there is one person who knows exactly what we are going through because hes the one who decided that we were though enough for the battle. God.

he is the only one who can break through the glass and pull you out of the dark, narrow, silent, and lonely room.
-GracIe.

Introducing me.

weeeelll. Some of you might know me and some of you might not. I am somewhat or a runner. im 5'2. I love love love tall boys. My all time favorite movie is The Sandlot. My favorite color is pink. May parents are divorced. I have 2 cats and 3 dogs. 2 out of 5 have stupid names. Mr.Boots and Bagel. Yeah. I named them. When I grow up I want to move to New York and become a writer, and if that doesn't happen, i"ll become a teacher. I cry every single time I see the Notebook, or the last episode of Friends. Every single time. Im a brunette, but dye my hair red. I'm a wanna be ginger. I love and live for God. My church family is the best family. I believe in song lyrics. I believe that praying helps with every single problem. I will fight for what I believe in. I do believe in gay marriage. No, im not gay, I just believe that it is their relationship with God, so dont try to get in the middle of it. The best book I have ever read was The Giver. Great book, you should go read it. I believe in second chances. I believe that people can change. Hate is a very strong word, but so is love. Science is my worst subject. I just dont care about balancing chemical equations. Stripes confuse me, I just dont like them. I have a sister. yay. I watch Jenna Marbles every Wednesday. When I become rich and famous, I shall fall in love with a very hot, tall, dark boy, and travel the world. I have sooo many freckles. I swear, they will all blob together and my face will become black.

Im not sure what this blog will be about. Maybe some days it will be about how crapy my day was, or about how fantastic it was. Maybe it will be about me trying something on Pinterest that just didn't work. Maybe it will be inspiring, or maybe it will be advice. It shall be a whatever, it is what it is blog. All I know is, we all go through life wondering whats next, asking what if, and asking why. Dont do that. We only have one life to live, and no matter how we live it, we wont make it out alive. Do what you want.

-GracIe.